The Autobot Guidelines
by Alice Gone Madd
Summary: How Avoid Being Shot At, Blown Up, Pancaked, Disintegrated, Wrenched, Etc, Etc, Etc... By Ash and Raven. Raven: Be warned it maybe a disturbing Ash: Learned from what to do and what not to do. Both girls: ENJOY! (Be warned this may have some spoilers for future chapters


**Hey everyone So I wanted to do this before and here it is. Also this may have some spoilers so keep this in mind people!**

**Chuck: I own Ash**

**Alice: I own Raven**

_**Raven**_

**Ash**

**Ash-1#** Never give my sister sugar.

(This something that should be known, yet it's not)

(You'll be chasing her like a freaking cartoon)

(No joke)

(Just picture it in your head...getting the idea?)

(Barricade thought it was freaky)

(Poor 'Cade)

(Dad [Optimus] thought there's was something wrong with her)

(I guess he's wouldn't be totally wrong on that)

(Ratchet was on the hunt for an Izzy Bird)

(I just sat back and watch the show with Jazz, Sunny, Sides, Sam and Mikaela)

(We all were busting a gut)

(I swear I thought I was gonna pass out from laughing too much)

(Sam got the whole thing on Camera)

(I just enjoyed the show)

(It was like a cartoon... only live)

_**Raven-2#**_ Never play Bop it with the bots.

(You will lose)

(Jazz beat my score easily)

(Or they will throw it against the wall *cough* 'Cade *cough*)

(nuff said)

**Ash-3#** Don't let Wheeljack watch _Despicable Me_

(He got the Idea of turning people into Minions)

(Sam, Mikaela, Raven and I were his first victims)

(Dad told him no)

(he did it anyway)

(I swear if i eat one more Banana...)

(The other three had a blast with it...I did too)

(took him two weeks to change us back)

(Raven and Sam still are acting like Minions...)

(but it wear off in a few days)

(for now I'm enjoying playing Banana fetch)

(It's funny watch them go crazy over a Banana)

_**Raven-4#**_ When a Female is on their mouthy cycle, avoid them like a plague.

(Since my sister and I still carry on the human DNA until we are eighteen...we deal with this)

(I almost fried Sideswipe because he was doing the whole 'Raven, Raven, Raven...' from family guy)

(But Ash just stuck him to the wall with Vines)

(Lots of wines, with some flowers)

(Doesn't he look pretty x3)

(I just stuck duct tape over his mouth)

(Then we set some device that shoots different color paintballs at him)

(Sunny just laugh at the sight and walk away saying "That's what you get glitchead")

(Most the bots refused to help him saying it's too damn funny)

(The humans can't do much either, so they just got a good laugh)

(Bitchy Raven and Ash can be very scary)

(Though Ratchet asked me why I smelled like blood)

(Ash ran like bat out of hell)

(I couldn't say anything as I was too embarrassed to say anything but then I blurt out)

("I'm bleeding cause it's shark week and it's that time mouth were blood come out that no women feels the need to tell every she is on her fucking period. **THERE I'M ON MY FUCKING SHARK WEEK OF THE DEADLY BITCHY CRANKY WOMEN WHO'S GONNA BRING HELL TO EVERYONE! WHO WANTS TO BE BECOME MY FIRST VICTIM HUH!?**")

(I swear I made every bot and person run for the hills)

(I never see dad fast run like that before)

(you can hear Sam saying "We're all gonna die")

(Mikaela laughed and said "From now when it's my time of mouth it's gonna be called 'Shark week')

(Now who's gonna be my first hunt...)

**Ash-5#** _Dragon Ballz-Kai_ is banned from base.

(Raven got ticked at Ratchet and blew up his Med bay with an electrical blast)

(She was cosplaying as the main guy from Dragon Ballz at the time)

(The lambo twins are still piss at her)

(As is Barricade)

_**Raven-6#**_ Tickling Ash is a Big No-No.

(Do you **WANT** to **LIVE**?)

(Only few people live to tell the tale)

(And then just barely)

(So much as a poke in the ribs and you'll be losing that finger)

(And the hand)

(And that whole arm)

(Though I think she enjoys making Sam scream)

(Only Dad, Sunstreaker and barley myself can get away with it)

(and thats iffy)

**Ash-7#** Do **NOT** touch Raven's Doritos.

(She'll be like that guy from _Taken_)

(She'll pursue you)

(She'll find you)

(She will kill you)

(Sam thought it was OK to take a few)

(He thought wrong)

(And to make it worse it was one of her favorites **Spicy Nacho**)

(Maybe you would have gotten away with Just the Blue or Red but **Spicy Nacho**)

(It was like Megatron was on his ass)

(Except **WAY** worse)

_**Raven-8#**_ Don't talk to me 'til I had my peppermint mocha.

(Don't try and take it away either)

(I will hunt you down)

(I'm so not a morning person)

(Ratchet thought that taking my morning drink was smart)

(He made that mistake once)

(I repeatedly hit him with his own wrench over and over)

(Barricade thought it was hysterical)

(Til I started whacking **HIM** with the wrench)

(He didn't think it was funny anymore)

(Dad was impressed and a bit startled)

(Everyone at the base knows to stay clear from me until I had my peppermint mocha)

**Ash-9#** Do **NOT** use someones fears against them.

(This should be obvious)

(The tiny Chevy twins Mudflap and Skids thought dressing as Clowns with fake snakes on their helms would be funny scaring Raven)

(How stupid can you get?)

(Boy did my sister let out the most blood curdling scream that I ever head..well more or less)

('Cade, Dad, Bee, Jazz, Ironhide and the Lambo Trains came running to the scene)

(Raven climbed up to Dad's shoulder like a skittish cat)

(I was laughing so hard, I had tears down my eyes)

(Her face was Priceless)

(That's until few real spiders fell from their helms)

(I let out my own terrified scream and followed Raven)

(Boy was Dad **NOT** happy)

(Ironhide chase them with his cannons with Sunny, Bee and Barricade right behind him)

(Sides was laughing too hard to help his twin and with Jazz laughing as will, recording the whole thing)

(More Blackmail)

(Dad was calming us down while sending death glares at the Chevy twins)

(I wonder what he had in mind as a punishment after the group was done with them)

(Their gonna feel that in the morning)

(...Yeah that's you get for scaring me and my sister)

_**Raven-10#**_ Do not dress up before Halloween or without telling Dad or Prowl

(I Decide to Dress up as one of my favorite characters from _Alice: Madness Returns_ as the Cheshire Cat)

(I Made it look like I was a female human version of him)

(And his quotes and EVERYTHING)

(I scared the living shit out of everybot and person on base minus Ash and 'Cade)

(My sister is used to this and Barricade...well he's seen me play _Alice: Madness Returns_)

(Ironhide pointed his cannons at me)

(That's when I notices maybe I should of told them it was me)

(I screamed at him saying that it was me but NO he's too thick in the head to get it -_-)

(So I was getting my ass chased around)

(Dad picked me up upside down, getting a good look at my work)

(I said "Hi Daddy, like my costume")

(Optimus just blinked a few times and let out a chuckle "Enjoyed your fun Raven?" He asked)

(I nodded my head and gave my best Cheshire grin "Hell yeah, it was Perfffect and enjoyable" I told him)

(Dad just grined "Good, because your grounded for two weeks.")

(My grin felled and I got a full on lecture from dad)

(Buzz kill)

(But, sooooo worth it)

**XDDDDDD that was soooo much fun. i enjoyed this**

**got any ideas let me know and see if i can put them in it :)**

**don't steal Raven nor Ash with me knowing or my friend Chuck**


End file.
